


I Defy You, Stars.

by Evie_adams273



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Attack, Canon Compliant, Delphi escapes, Fluff, Fluff in the Morning, Gen, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Hiding, Lily is a good sister, M/M, Magical Creatures, Sadness, Scorbus, Trigger Warnings, adult, coffee in the mornings, lake, lots of sadness, magical creature sanctuary, please don't be angry, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evie_adams273/pseuds/Evie_adams273
Summary: Albus stares out at the lake, trying to make sense of the senseless. Every single moment of the past few weeks keeps building and building and building inside his mind. And there's nothing he can do to stop it. Not anymore. Not alone.





	I Defy You, Stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so major trigger warnings for mentions of violence, blood, suicidal thoughts, and death.

Albus stared out over the water, watching it wash back forth across the sand. He much preferred the noise and chaos of the gathering a few metres away, but it had gotten to the point where the sounds were too overwhelming to distract him from his thoughts and had instead dragged him further underwater. He’d taken himself away for a few minutes after that.

He watched the birds skimming the surface of the lake with an edge of envy. They cawed and squealed as if nothing had ever gone wrong. Of course, for them it probably hadn’t. They didn’t understand human experiences, and because of that, they couldn’t understand. Albus didn’t resent them for that. If anything, he did envy them. He didn’t want to understand human experiences and emotions and pain.

Because after every good thing, after every elation and moment of euphoria; it all ended. There would always be another shot of pain, and sharp prick of a needle to remind him that he would never be truly happy.

Except, that was wrong too. He had been truly happy. Before today, before the events leading up to his presence at this lake, he had been happy. They had all been happy. And then it had all come crashing down. Everything had come crashing in such a stupid, ironic way. It could have been funny. It never would be.

Nothing would ever be funny or happy and any other stupid, positive emotion. Never again. How could it be? How could any decent emotion ever exist again when such a vital part of the world had disappeared.

To the rest of the world, it didn’t seem like they knew what was missing. To them, they had woken up on another day and everything was okay. Not always brilliant. But okay. Bearable. There would always be someone there who loved them, who would be there when they most needed.

Albus knew he also had this, but it was difficult not to feel alone.

He glanced back at the rest of the gathering. All one colour, all talking quietly. A few were smiling softly and Albus turned away. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want the thoughts to crowd his mind and remind him of the moments leading up to now, but he didn’t want to throw himself back into the noise as a distraction.

The noise hurt more than the silence sometimes. When it was only the silence plaguing him, his mind had to work harder to torture him with his memories. But when the noise was already present and loud enough to match the past, his mind ran with it. And he could no longer cope with it. With any of it.

_Albus lies back on the sofa, groaning. He doesn’t really want to get up today. But he has to. And he knows that, when he actually manages to get off his backside and go to work, he’ll enjoy it. Because there is no bad day that the Magical Creature Sanctuary cannot tease out of him._

_But for now, he just has to get up and go._

_He rolls off the sofa with another groan and his boyfriend’s laughter echoes from the kitchen. _  
_“Someone hasn’t had their coffee?” he teases._  
_ “Shut up,” Albus calls back._  
_ “I’ll take that as a yes.”_

_Albus rolls his eyes and pulls himself to his feet with another grunt. He walks through to the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as he enters. Scorpius laughs, leaning back into him and planting a kiss on his cheek._  
_“Morning, love,” Albus murmurs, somewhat sleepily._  
_ “Good morning,” Scorpius smiles. “Would you like some coffee?”_  
_ “More than anything,” Albus says. “I’m exhausted.”_  
_ “You do know caffeine doesn’t keep you awake as effectively as you might think.”_  
_ “I don’t care. It works.”_

_Scorpius shakes his head and waves his wand. The kettle flies from its spot on the work surface to the table, where it pours boiling water into a cafetière of coffee granules.  
“Thank you.”_

_Albus lets go of Scorpius and goes to the table, waiting for the coffee to brew so that he can drink it. _  
_“Sometimes I think you like your coffee more than me,” Scorpius mutters drily._  
_ “Then you know how I feel when you eat Pepper Imps,” Albus grins._  
_ “Your jealousy is adorable,” Scorpius rolls his eyes._  
_ “And you love me for it.”_  
_ “I do. And you love me.”_  
_ “I’d hope so,” Albus nods. “After this long, I might have started to like you.”_  
_ “Oi.”_  
_ “Yes, you know I’m joking.”_  
_ “You know it’s a miracle that you didn’t manage to accidentally break up with me while we were at school.”_  
_ “Okay, yes. I will admit I made those jokes a lot.”_  
_ “Every week,” Scorpius sits down at the table, pushing a plate of breakfast towards Albus. “Every week without fail.”_  
_ “And we’re still in love.”_  
_ “I know,” Scorpius shakes his head, smiling. “I know, love. Now eat. We’ve both got work.”_

_Albus obliges and the two of them stay silent for a bit. Scorpius is all but forcing food down his throat, and Albus doesn’t blame him. The shifts at the Hospital sound beyond insane and he knows that his boyfriend doesn’t get a lot of time to eat or take a break. _

_Scorpius never complains about it. He understands why it’s hard, and he enjoys it. He knows that, behind every difficult day, every stressful event, is a life that he can work to save. And he does. Most of the time._

_When he doesn’t succeed, he cries to Albus at night, and Albus lets him, attempting to comfort him in any way he can. He understands the pain of not being able to save someone. When a creature dies at the Sanctuary, especially one that he was caring for, he is inconsolable. Sometimes, he thinks it a stupid thing to be upset over, but he knows that he loves animals as much as the important people in his life._

_Scorpius stands up as an owl taps on the window impatiently, paying it for the paper and watching it fly away. He sits down with the paper, opening it as he goes to take another bite of his breakfast._

_Albus breaks off as the back page flashes at him with an oversized photo of a nightmarish woman._  
_“Scorp,” his voice cracks._  
_ “Yeah,” Scorpius nods. “I know.”_

_Delphini is staring at both of them. Next to several paragraphs about her escape from the most secure cell in Azkaban._

Albus glanced back as he heard footsteps approaching, biting his lip when he saw Draco walking towards him, his stride slow and heavy.  
“Albus.”  
“Sir.”

He had never called Draco by his name. He had never been in a particularly informal setting with him, despite dating his son for years. Scorpius always preferred to stay away from his home for one reason or another, and Albus never pushed him.  
“It’s quieter here,” Albus murmured. “It’s – it’s easier.”  
“I know,” Draco nodded. “It doesn’t let you forget.”  
“Forgetting would be easier,” Albus said, more to himself than to Draco.  
“Forgetting makes it worse when you remember,” Draco muttered. “Believe me.”

Albus nodded, biting his lip. His eyes were starting to fill with tears, but he didn’t want to let them fall. He didn’t want to cry now. For some reason, it didn’t seem right. Crying, showing weakness, seemed like it would destroy him. He didn’t know why. He didn’t care.

He couldn’t care anymore. All emotion seemed to be gone, replaced by an overwhelming sensation of numbness. On occasion, it was preferable to being truly awake. But it never stuck. It always broke and he was always left behind, screaming.

Screaming for the losses that shouldn’t have been losses. Screaming for the stupidity of it all. Screaming because of how pathetically unfair the entire world seemed to be.  
“What do we do now?” he said quietly, half expecting Draco to no longer be stood with him.  
“We carry on. As best we can.”

Albus nodded, murmured something about needing some water, and then walked away, biting his lip. He walked past the crowd of people, ignoring the concerned looks as he walked towards the building a few metres away.

Once inside, he found a cupboard, squeezed himself inside, and ripped off his robe jacket, stuffing it into his mouth and screaming into it. It didn’t do much to muffle the sobs, and it made him retch, but it offered some relief. Some small taste of emotion that wasn’t completely uncontrolled.

It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. He sunk down against the wall and buried his head in his now damp robes, sobbing quietly.

He hated himself for it. He had promised himself that, for one day, for one single day, he would keep himself under control. For one day, he would be quiet and reserved and controlled so that no would see how far he had truly fallen.

And he had ended up crying in a cupboard.

He closed his eyes, forcing air into his throat. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered anymore. It had all stopped mattering a long time ago.

_Albus swears again as he collapses through the front door, trying not to pass out before he finds something soft to land on. He makes it through to the lounge before the dizziness becomes too much and he falls on the carpet in front of the fireplace. His eyes drift closed and he lets himself fall into the darkness._

_When he wakes up, he’s lying on his back and someone is dabbing his forehead with a damp cloth. It stings a little, though the sharp pains in his head have faded to a throbbing. And he no longer feels particularly dizzy. _

_He starts to open his eyes, a little surprised to find that he is now lying on the sofa as opposed to the floor, but unsurprised to see Scorpius is the one tending to his wounds._  
_“Hey,” he mumbles groggily._  
_ “Oh thank Merlin,” Scorpius jumps slightly. “You’re awake.”_  
_ “Yeah,” Albus starts to sit up, but Scorpius stops him. “How long have I been out?”_  
_ “I’ve been here for half an hour,” Scorpius mutters, a look of concentration fixed on his face. “What happened?”_  
_ “An attack,” Albus says quietly. “Probably at about three o’clock. I made it back here at about three thirty. What time is it now?”_  
_ “Nearly seven. There was an attack?”_  
_ “I know,” Albus mutters. “She’s been out less than twenty four hours and tries to kill us all. The sanctuary is okay, thank Merlin.”_  
_ “She came after you.”_  
_ “Yeah.”_

_Scorpius finishes with the damp cloth and moves away slightly. He murmurs that Albus can sit up now, and Albus does, though he doesn’t move further than that due a sudden rush of vertigo._   
_ “She’s more dangerous than before,” he says. “She came after me this soon. She’s not got a plan. She’s just insane. That place, Azkaban, there are still the remnants of Dementors. It’s not surprising – they were there for three hundred years. But it’ll have driven her insane.”_   
_ “Has it?” Scorpius bites his lip. “I mean, she might be. It’s likely. But if she isn’t, if this is all some plan, that’s even more dangerous. We need to be wary.”_   
_ “Yeah,” Albus says. “I’d nod but…”_   
_ “Please don’t move your head,” Scorpius smiles._

_Albus watches with a soft smile as his boyfriend walks away, returning a couple of minutes later with two mugs of what Albus assumes is hot chocolate. He takes his mug gratefully, murmuring a thank you, and leans his head on Scorpius’ shoulder as he sits beside him on their battered couch. _  
_“I’m scared,” Scorpius admits. “I’m really scared.”_  
_ “Hey,” Albus murmurs softly. “We’re going to be fine. Okay? We’re going to be all right.”_

_Scorpius nods and Albus wraps his arm around his boyfriend, leaning his head over his shoulder again._   
_ “I love you.”_   
_ “I love you too.”_

Albus didn’t know how long he stayed, screaming and sobbing, in the cupboard. He curled in on himself and cried until his throat felt too raw to make a sound, and then he kept screaming. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

When the cupboard door opened, he had become too preoccupied with everything to notice, until someone sat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He looked up, closing his eyes again as he saw his little sister sat beside him.  
“Are they looking for me?” he muttered.  
“No,” Lily said. “They noticed, but they know you need space.”

Albus nodded, staring up at the ceiling. They were right. He did need the space. But constant silence wasn’t good either. He needed a voice, one or two voices, to keep his mind tied to reality, to assure him he would be okay, that he wouldn’t end up in another fight. And Lily seemed to understand that.  
“You came to look.”  
“I thought you might want a little company. I know how your head works.”  
“I hate the silence. I hate noise. I hate it all. I just want it all to stop. Please.”  
“It’s not my decision as to whether it stops or not,” Lily said quietly. “But, Al. I’m going to fight for you. Okay? We’re all going to fight to help you.”  
“What’s the point? It’s over.”  
“No,” Lily said firmly. “It’s not over. And I won’t let you give up.”  
“Why?” Albus snapped, starting to stand up. “Is it because it’s not what Scorpius wants? I’m so fucking sick of people saying that when they don’t know him. So fucking sick of everything.”  
“Al…”  
“I don’t want to talk right now,” Albus said, backing towards the cupboard door. “Please, Lily. I just want to forget everything. But I can’t. I can’t because I’m never going to forget any of it.”  
“I know.”  
“What?”  
“I know, Al. And I want to help you.”  
“Then make it stop. Please just let me make it stop.”

He didn’t wait for a response, backing out of the cupboard and trudging back towards the gathering of people. He could manage another few minutes in the mass of noise. A few more minutes. He had lost control now, so there didn’t seem like much point in insisting on staying when he would never remain unemotional for any of it.

Maybe he could go back to the lake. Waves were enough noise to distract him from reality, but not enough to pull him back to the past and destroy him, again and again and again.

_Albus dives behind a bookcase as something explodes around him, causing a burst of broken glass to rain down around him. He shelters his head as it falls, and then glances around for where Scorpius has managed to make it to._

_Somehow, the two of them have been cornered at the sanctuary just as Albus had been closing up for the day. Through some miracle, everyone else had already gone home, so Albus had been alone with Scorpius when the attack had started._

_Albus is fairly sure now that Delphi’s attacks are not part of some meticulous plan. She is attacking alone, and it shouldn’t be an issue for them to fight her. It shouldn’t be issue, but it is, because she is a formidable fighter anyway. And now that she is fighting with even less of a moral compass than before, she is Death itself._

_Albus has managed to draw the fighting into the offices of the Sanctuary so that the injured animals are safe, but now they are trapped. Half a second later, Scorpius grabs Albus and pulls him towards a door. They dive through it, slamming it behind them and throwing a chair against it to keep it shut._  
_“Fuck,” Albus mutters, running his fingers up and down his wand. “We’re fucking screwed.”_  
_ “There’s a window,” Scorpius pointed up. “I can boost you up.”_  
_ “You won’t fit through.”_  
_ “You get help, then,” Scorpius says. “I’ll survive until you get back.”_  
_ “Scorpius…”_  
_ “We haven’t got time!” Scorpius snaps as something explodes behind the door. “Go! Now! Get out of the apparition charms and get help. I’ll be fine.”_  
_ “What if you’re not?” Albus glances at the door, his heart pounding violently._  
_ “Then bury next to my mum.”_

_Albus feels his eyes fill with tears as his mind begins to consider the impossible possibility. The idea that, maybe, they won’t make it out._   
_ “I’ll be okay, I promise,” Scorpius’ words cut through his thoughts. “Now, go. Please.”_   
_ “I love you.”_

_Albus kisses his boyfriend desperately, trying to savour every single moment he can, while also telling himself that he doesn’t need to, because they will both make it. Scorpius kisses him back, running hands through hair for half a moment. And then they stop and Scorpius pulls Albus to the window, hoisting him up to it and supporting him while he opens it.  
“I love you!” Albus sobs as he slides out._

_From inside, he can hear Scorpius’ response. The promise that he loves him too. _

_From now until eternity. _

_From every end of the earth. _

_From every corner of magic._

_He loves too._

Albus trudged back into the thick of the gathering, keeping his head down so that no one could see his tears falling thick and fast. He walked through, out, and back down to the lake. Draco had apparently remained there after he had left earlier, and he went to him now.

He looked up as Albus approached, nodding a hello. Neither of them could manage a friendly greeting, or words at all, and neither of them held it against the other. The silence lasted for another few minutes, until Albus swallowed his tears and took a breath.

The pressing weight of the secret had become too much, and he wanted to admit it. Even though admitting it meant admitting his responsibility for everything that had happened. Even though admitting it meant he might lose what little he had left.  
“Sir,” he started slowly.  
“Albus?”  
“I’m sorry,” his voice cracked. “I’m so sorry.”  
“This is not your fault.”  
“I made so many mistakes that day. Leaving him. Leaving him was the worst.”  
“What happened?”

Albus broke off again, trying to find the right words. He didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to go into detail of what he had done, the mistakes he had made. But Draco deserved to know.

“I brought him to the sanctuary.”

“We were attacked.”

“We were alone.”

“She cornered us.”

“He told me to go out the window and get help.”

“I didn’t make it back in time.”

That was it. That was the story.

The pathetic, stupid, ironic story.

He glanced at Draco, who remained still and silent, and then felt his eyes start to fill with tears again. He muttered a hasty excuse and walked away again.

And then he screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you didn't cry too hard at that. I somehow didn't cry while writing. Thank you @SunshineScorpius for the idea and @RoRoWeasley for the inspiration on how to write it. May have made my brain melt a little a few days ago but I think I pulled it off vaguely. Did you like?  
Thanks for reading.  
Kudos and Comments appreciated  
Twitter: @evieadams273


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